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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between a vitamin and a hormone? You can't make a vita-min. But you can make a hor-mone!"

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"My wife is addicted to goji berries but I wish she was addicted to something cheaper like cocaine."
"Got suspended from Instagram for going on everyone's food pics and posting the calories."
"My girlfriend says she needs time and distance Is she calculating velocity?"
"I'm rabidly against plagiarism, but I guess if you're going to steal something, a Columbus joke at least makes sense"
"What do get when you cross a Jehovah's witness and a Hells Angel? Someone who knocks on your front door and tells you to piss off."
"What do you call a nurse with flat knees? The ""head"" nurse."
"Women need to learn how to use Snapchat. It's only for sexting, I don't want to see pictures of your feet or your new perm."
"Restaurant A friend said she heard there's a wonderful restaurant on the moon, but nobody goes there because there's no atmosphere..."
"why do people keep putting flag overlays on their avatar when tragedies happen? like i've seen it happen with france, brussels, gay marriage"