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Joke of the Day

"If I knew you in high school and your Facebook profile picture is a baby I'll assume you're Benjamin Button and unfriend you."

"All I want is a gummy bear that's the size of a grizzly."

"What's the difference between Eric Clapton and a snooker player? One plays with an electric guitar, the other a-cue-stick."

"I have an inferiority complex.. .. but it's not a very good one."

"I'm having an increasing fear of New Year songs. Must be Ole Langxiety."

"*men apologize for their weakness* *women apologize for their strength* *aliens probe neither*"

"What do you call it when an inmate takes a picture of their-self? A Cellfie"

"If I say, ""Don't worry, I'm on it,"" there's a 98% chance I'm referring to my couch."

"What happens to a necrophiliac after death? Reserection"

"An opinion without 3.14 ...is just an onion. "