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Joke of the Day

"*guy getting eaten by a shark* Guy: I just wanted to say I'm Vegan. Shark, spitting him out: Wtf man. I had you in my mouth & everything."

"I saw the expiration date on my condoms They say it takes thousands of years for latex to degrade, but apparently it's been longer than that since I've gotten laid"

"Hey Reddit what's the most useful type of doctor? An On-call-ogist."

"Why hasn't any lawyer ever been bitten by a shark? Professional courtesy."

"What did Santa Clause give all the naughty boys and girls for Christmas this year? He made them Batman."

"What do you call a cow who is also a knight? Sir Loin."

"Which musical instrument does Vladimir Putin know how to play best? The TRUMPet!"

"A sandwich walks into a bar And orders a drink. The bartender says : ""sorry sir, we don't serve food""."

"""I know"" - me, on something I don't know"

"Instead of saying ""I lost 35 pounds"", say, ""I lost half a super-model"""