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Joke of the Day

"Very few people actually have celiacs. They're usually pretty stern."

"What did the ambitious suicidal person say? I'm going to kill myself, or die trying."

"News flash: Chapters truck caught speeding Police reported, ""It was really booking it!"""

"I am not ""aware"" of any ""laws"" that ""forbid"" the use of excessive ""air quotes"" officer ""Barnes."""

"I forgot, what is the name they call themselves, the group that wants to form a new country in what is now Syria and Irak? They are the Nemesis of the USA."

"They say being a hostage is hard But I could do that with my hands tied behind my back."

"This is terrible, and I'd like to apologize in advance, but could anyone tell me why hipsters prefer corpses over zombies? Corpses are still underground."

"My math teacher used to call me average. How mean!"

"So my scatterbrained friend accused me of misquoting cliches... Isn't that the pot calling the kettle a racist?!?!"

"-THAR SHE BLOWS *she stops* Does he REALLY have to be in here? ""My seeing-eye pirate? Yes"" But this is so intima- ""Fill the balloons, Susan"""