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Joke of the Day

"-THAR SHE BLOWS *she stops* Does he REALLY have to be in here? ""My seeing-eye pirate? Yes"" But this is so intima- ""Fill the balloons, Susan"""

"There was two muffins. They were put in the oven One muffin says to the other muffin, ""wow its hot in here!"" The other muffin said ""WHOAH, A TALKING MUFFIN!"""

"My girlfriend just said that I put sports before our relationship. Bullshit. It's our sixth season together."

"What do you call a gay guy's kidney stones? Fruity pebbles"

"A wife went with her husband to his doctors appointment... Doctor: I'm gonna need a urine and stool sample. Wife (to husband): Just give him your underwear honey!!!"

"The neighbor's dog has barked non stop for three hours. And now I know how the Chinese first discovered that dogs make a tasty snack."

"There are 10 types of people in this world, those who understand binary and those who don't."

"Did you hear about the iguana that couldn't mate in captivity? He had a reptile disfunction."

"The best part about twitter is that it is completely satisfying on a deep emotional level and in no way makes me feel empty inside."

"At any time, the temptation to sing ""The Lion Sleeps Tonight"" is just a whim away....... A whim away."