107633

Joke of the Day

"-THAR SHE BLOWS *she stops* Does he REALLY have to be in here? ""My seeing-eye pirate? Yes"" But this is so intima- ""Fill the balloons, Susan"""

"I'll never feel more drunk than I do walking down a broken escalator sober."

"Girlfriend The other day, my girlfriend called me a pedophile... But what does she know, she's only 7."

"I accidentally ate a piece of rope... I shit you knot"

"In my past life I was a turtle... It is all slowly coming back to me."

"this is my cheat life i'll worry about carbs and a workout plan next reincarnation"

"Its a joke not a d*ck, don't take it to hard."

"Jackson Pollock - great painter piss poor pictionary partner"

"Hurricane Sandy I asked my bartender for a Hurricane Sandy. She looked confused and asked, ""What is that?"" I replied, ""A watered down Manhattan."""

"Friend: ""Omg, your parents are so nice!"" ... You: ""It's because you`re here.."""