197744

Joke of the Day

"This is terrible, and I'd like to apologize in advance, but could anyone tell me why hipsters prefer corpses over zombies? Corpses are still underground."

"Real geniuses never talk about that they are a genius. I know from myself."

"Can I ask you a question without you getting mad? -People who are about to piss you off"

"""I think I stepped in some upchuck"" What's up, Chuck? ""Not much, but my name's not Chuck"" *vomits*"

"I saw weird stuff in that place last night. Weird, strange, sick, twisted, gross, godless, evil stuff... and I want it (:"

"Did you hear about the blind rabbi after the briss? He got the sack..."

"""Hey Barack"" ""yes Joe?"" ""I bet T-Rex's took terrible selfies"" ""Ok Joe"" ""Because they had..."" ""Short arms Joe, yes. I get it. I get it buddy"""

"What idiot called it ""leaving right after sex"" and not ""nuts and bolts""?"

"My friend is color blind.. So I had to ask him... ""How many fingers am I holding up?"""

"Hello, 911? *twirls phone cord around finger* sooooo how was your day? Did you arrest any bad guys?...No you hang up first! Hello? 911?"