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Joke of the Day

"For every chick that's crying about no good guys out there...there's a dude she's ignoring that's good to her."

"What's the difference between Beer Nuts and Deer Nuts? Beer nuts are $1.29 a bag. Deer nuts are just under a buck."

"You can't die, man! Not right now. Not on my watch! *lifts dead body and pulls watch put from under it*"

"How do you know when a joke becomes a dad joke? When the punchline becomes a parent."

"I was out of tanning oil once, so I used PAM Cooking Spray. The tan didn't stick."

"Ego and Super Ego walk into a bar. Bartender says, ""I'm going to need to see some Id."""

"What was the best thing about Jesus' crucifixion? Well, the cross was a big plus"

"I came back from war to find out that I had missed the birth of my wife's second child. Turns out, I also missed the conception."

"I could be the next American Idol!! If they could just let me bring my shower on stage..."

"A horse walks into a bar. ""Too late,"" says the bartender, ""we're joking about the pope now."""