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Joke of the Day

"You can't die, man! Not right now. Not on my watch! *lifts dead body and pulls watch put from under it*"

"Yo mama is so fat that... ...she should really be concerned because diabetes is a serious problem"

"What type of tree doesn't remove active torrents? A *Cedar* tree."

"I walked up to a group of girls. I said, ""Would you like to see a magic trick?"" ""Yes,"" they smiled eagerly. Then I handed them a David Blaine DVD and walked off."

"What's the difference between Ray Charles and Ray Rice? Ray Charles wasn't a one-hit wonder."

"Bad sex is still better than a good day at work!"

"I want to hold you till the end of time, or until I have to pee."

"Roses are red. Monsters are green. Just look in the mirror. You'll know what I mean."

"The Student Special Okay, so my friend and I went into a Chinese restaurant for lunch. They have student specials labled as K1, K2, K3, and K4. He walks up and asks for a K9."

"""Can you believe I got something decent at a piece of shit store like Sears?"" - every Sears commercial"