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Joke of the Day
"How many cops does it take to beat up a light bulb? None. That light bulb fell down the stairs."
Next Joke
"I ate catnip today. I enjoyed it, but the cat sure didn't."
"How many hipsters does it take to screw in a light bulb? ... so you don't know?"
"I was roasting meat and accidentally stabbed myself with a meat thermometer and blood is gushing out. I'm done."
"Wife: ""Too bad my tits aren't keyboards, maybe they'd get some attention!"" Me: ""Your tits are fine, its your bitch personality"""
"I look forward to using the phrase ""I'm gonna fuck you til you're pregnant!"" in bed when we decide to have kids."
"That scene from Jurassic Park where the T-Rex is breathing heavily up against the jeep glass, except its me at the hotdog display in 7/11"
"Carpet Fitting by Walter Wall"
"What was Whitney Houston's biggest hit? Her last one"
"If Trump replaces Obama in the white house, then we can all say... Orange is the new Black. Thanks, ~~I'll see myself out.~~ Apparently, I don't need to."