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Joke of the Day

"If smoking is so bad for you How come it cures salmon?"

"Him: I just had sex with that woman! Me: She's 60. Him: I know. Me: I Hope you used protection or you might have caught osteoporosis."

"I don't understand why ... I don't understand why Mexicans are so upset that Trump is going to build a wall. They should just get over it."

"I just saw a car with a big ""S"" on it... Look at the ""S"" car go !"

"They used to laugh whenever I said I wanted to be a comedian. Well they're not laughing now!"

"Going to take my girlfriend out on a date to a Jewish restaurant. Hopefully it'll bring us kosher."

"I can't stand Italians and their slanty eyes... ...no, wait, *italics*."

"Angry mimes give each other the talking treatment."

"Have you heard of the new model of the german microwave? It seats twelve"

"Me: Who ate all the cookies? 5-year-old: Ninjas. Me: I didn't see them. 5-year-old: No one ever does. Checkmate."