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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between Jack Daniel's and General Custer? Jack Daniel's is still killing Indians"

"You only live once? False, you live everyday. You only die once."

"Virginity and candy are a lot a like. They require minimal force to take from a child."

"Other people's umbrellas are more annoying than other people's kids because umbrellas never say anything darnedest at all."

"[Being kidnapped] Me: i can feel it.. Stockholm syndrome kidnapper: its been 10 minutes me: should we invite your brother to the wedding?"

"Childhood obesity is on the rise and so is underage sex.. What I want to know is who's fucking all these fat kids."

"BREAKING: President Obama shows solidarity with victims in war-torn countries by posting another selfie with celebrities."

"I bought 2 Chainz' latest album, but it was the censored edition. It's easily one of the best instrumental CDs I've heard in a long time."

"How many redditors does it take to change a lightbulb? One. One to change it and his girlfriend to give him a blowjob when he's done."

"Some asshole stole my mood ring. I'm not really sure how I feel about it."