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Joke of the Day

"Fox News: Witnesses are telling us Michael Brown may have charged Officer Darren Wilson atop a dragon, wielding a poison-tipped broadsword"

"Why couldn't the bee dress as a ghost for Halloween? Because people are offended by seeing Boo Bees."

"I'm not saying your mom is fat but she'd be worth a lot more in the UK"

"My girlfriend has been crying for hours now after the loss of a child. She takes The Sims very seriously."

"Women are weird. Hundreds of people can tell them they're beautiful but they'll obsess over the one person that doesn't."

"i saw a license plate yesterday that said 'i miss new york,' so i smashed their window and stole their radio"

"What are gay people's favorite pizza? Meatlovers."

"Have some self confidence Mexican restaurants. Take that hamburger off the menu."

"Get your shit together, people at McDonald's drive thru who sit there all confused like the menu hasn't been the same for the last 50 years"

"You are riding a horse. There is a giraffe beside you and a lion chasing you. What do you do? You get your drunk ass off the carousel. Edit: *off Thanks captain."