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Joke of the Day

"Please spare me the agony of listening to your relationship problems if you always end up with the same idiot."

"Living in Russia... Living in Russia in the winter, you're already snowden."

"What does a lifeguard and a manager of a Curves have in common? They both watch whales."

"How do you get a nun pregnant? Dress her up as an alter boy."

"Juicing changed my life. I went from being overweight, to being overweight and owning a juicer."

"If pro is the opposite of con, what is the opposite of progress? the answer isnt congress"

"My parents gave me a really cheap dictionary for my birthday yesterday. I couldn't find the words to thank them."

"I just found out that the reptile I had sex with last night had an STD Now I have a dino-sore"

"How did pinocchio find out that he was made out of wood? His hand caught fire."

"Someone told me Harrison Ford is part Jewish. So it's fair to say, ""Han hammered first."""