111724

Joke of the Day

"Watch My lesbian friend gave me a Timex for my birthday. I don't think she understood me correctly when I said I wanna watch."

"I would never give you a death sentence. It would be more like a paragraph."

"""Arise! Arise! Foul creatures, I command that you arise! ARISE!"" ""Dad, just once, couldn't you let mom or the alarm clock wake us?"" ""ARISE!"""

"The first caterpillar to turn into a butterfly must of been like YOOOOOOOOO"

"Alcohol: You know Kung Fu and you're not afraid to use it Brain: This makes sense right now Body: We're on board Pavement: Come at me bro"

"How do you make the hippie run out of money? You hide daddies credit card under a bar of soap."

"My brother and I were playing chess, and I said to him 'care to make this interesting?' He said 'sure'. So we stopped playing chess."

"A little boy walked into a police station ""I lost my daddy"" says the boy. ""We'll look for him son, don't worry: what's he like?"" asked the officer. ""Liquor and women."""

"What did one dairy cow say to another? Got milk?"

"How many clones of president Obama does it take to change a lightbulb? What a stupid question: Obama won't change jack shit."