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Joke of the Day
"How do you make your girlfriend cry while you're having sex? Phone her."
Next Joke
"My penis is so big... the only relationships I can have are long distance"
"A vegan, a feminist, and a Stranger Things fan walk into a bar... I only know because they told everyone within two minutes..."
"Keystroke... not as sexy as it sounds"
"Repeat after me: It doesn't matter how big the problem is, posting it on Facebook won't solve it."
"Her: We had the baby! She is 7lbs 3oz, born at 9:08am. We'll be naming her tomorrow. Me: Tomorrow is a terrible name for a baby, tbh."
"probably the worst thing you could do to an old person is force them to watch you tear up a bunch of coupons"
"Why is Santa's sack so full? Because he only comes once a year"
"Doctor: It's been weeks since we restored your vision. Thoughts? ""I can't believe that British guy from the Geico commercials is a lizard."""
"What is the cheapest way to blindfold an Asian? Dental floss."