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Joke of the Day

"For awhile I'm thinking about going out tonight...I haven't seen those blurry people that ask me how much I've had to drink for awhile!"

"Why was the Muslim arrested for speeding during Ramadan? Because he was going *to fast*!"

"Girl: I dumped my last boyfriend cause he always gave short answers. I never knew what he was thinking. That's so annoying, right? Me: Word"

"I used to steal jokes.... ....I still do. But I used to too."

"What goes ""Tick Tock, woof woof""? A watchdog."

"I bet the hardest thing about being a gangsta rapper is never being able to really enjoy a scone in public."

"I went to the gym and did a negative pullup today. It was a letdown."

"A man shows up to his psychiatrist completely naked but covered with saran wrap... Psychiatrist says, ""I can clearly see you're nuts!"""

"Cool prank: Gradually remove a little bit of your mom's arm bones each night in her sleep until her arms are just totally floppy"

"Some delivery guy knocked on my door today and said, ""I have a parcel for your next door neighbour."" I replied, ""You've got the wrong house then, haven't you?"""