111517

Joke of the Day

"Did you hear about the pyromaniac who was on the dating website? He was looking for the perfect match."

"guy walks into a bar with a .44 magnum and yells ""who the fuck fucked my wife!"". Everybody's silent for a second, then a guy in the back of the bar says ""you haven't got enough bullets mate"""

"Me: Do you have any mini-ipods in stock? Guy: what color? Me: Any color. Guy: We don't have any. You Sir, have achieved stupid greatness."

"If anyone needs me, I'll be spending the rest of my life under this bathroom light that gives my abs a hint of definition."

"Doctor doctor I've only got 59 seconds to live. Wait a minute please."

"Why didn't the lifeguard save the hippy? He was too far out, man."

"Did you know women are fantastic at exactly 70 things? 69ers, and making sandwiches."

"A sissy in a Prius terrormobile tried to race me at a stop sign. Had him for the first 100 feet, but a fella can only walk so fast. Merica."

"I got my haircut the other day... ...and I just saw my barber at the grocery. He asked how I liked my haircut. I told him I didn't like it at first, but its growing on me."

"To you Star Trek fans: what does the Star Ship Enterprise and toilet paper have in common? They both search around Uranus for Klingons"