111517

Joke of the Day

"Did you hear about the pyromaniac who was on the dating website? He was looking for the perfect match."

"Ops mom Wait... shit."

"What's better than being the first Black President of the United States? Being the 45th white one."

"Look I can summon Australians Have you ever, ever felt like this?"

"When telling your dog he's adopted, make sure to mention that you will never love him as much as the dogs you gave birth to."

"My wife sent me to the store to buy shampoo, conditioner, lotion and condoms. I'm pretty sure the cashier thinks I'm making a girlfriend."

"Haters gonna hate, thermometers gonna thermom"

"I may or may not have just tried unlocking the wrong car for 15 minutes."

"I'm not heartless, I've just learned how to use my heart less..."

"Redneck Divorce (Oh Boy) How is a redneck divorce like a hurricane in Florida? Either way you lose the trailer!"