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Joke of the Day
"My wife told me she is having an affair with Mr. Peanut. I think she is fucking nuts."
Next Joke
"I just plugged the charger into my phone, in the correct hole, on the first try. So it IS possible, guys. IT. IS. POSSIBLE."
"What's the difference between Neil Armstrong and Michael Jackson? Neil Armstrong walked ON the moon, and Michael Jackson had sex with kids."
"Q: How many Scorpios does it take to change a lightbulb? A: That information is strictly secret and shared only with the Enlightened Ones in the Star Chamber of the Ancient Hierarchical Order."
"Doctor: You have acute alcoholism. Me: Thanks, but let me tell you it's not very cute in the morning."
"How do japanese chihuahuas say hello? Konichihuahua"
"Heroin is like a baby.. ..it feels so amazing to have in your arms."
"Making dinner in a slow cooker involves two of my favorite things: food and panicking that I've left an appliance on for seven hours."
"How do you make a Gorilla float? Two scoops of ice cream some club soda and a very tasty Gorilla!"
"What did the psychiatrist say to the man who walked into his office wearing nothing but saran wrap? I can clearly see you're nuts."