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Joke of the Day

"My wife told me she is having an affair with Mr. Peanut. I think she is fucking nuts."

"Looking at cows in a field, how can you tell which one's on holiday? It's the one with the wee calf. (Think Scottish)"

"Curiosity should start overthrowing the local government and drilling for oil any minute now."

"How do we know that the toothbrush was invented in Mississippi? Because anywhere else it would've been called the teethbrush"

"baseball i was wondering why the ball kept getting bigger, then it hit me."

"Baby monitors are pointless because most babies simply stop doing illegal shit as soon as they realize you've got their room bugged."

"People keep saying Supermodels are struggling with bulimia But I'd say they're actually really good at it."

"Um, hi. How much is the rent for this amazing apartment? Ma'am, this is the wine aisle of the grocery store."

"I bought a used UPS truck. It gets poor gas mileage but I can park anywhere."

"Why I love duct tape? It can turn ""No, no no!"" into ""mmph, mmmph, mmmph"""