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Joke of the Day
"How I traveled around the world without spending a nickel. I paid in dimes."
Next Joke
"Some nights I stare at the stars wondering if you can see the same ones Then I realize, of course you can, I'm in your backyard"
"I accidentally swallowed a contact lens today... I've never seen my colon with such clarity before."
"*knocks over the 17 Starbucks cups on her nightstand *answers her alarm clock, ""hello?"""
"Go up to a guy in a bar and whisper ""hey do you wanna get out of here?"" and if he says yes, you can sit where he was."
"Did you hear about the unlucky man who bought some bananas? They were empty."
"I never knew who my father was Until my mom revealed that she had a sex change"
"Listen. You've been saying this for the last eight and a half months. I still don't know what you're ""expecting"""
"Things that smell better than they taste: coffee, popcorn, vanilla-scented ass."
"Teachers at the pre-school ask why I'm in a good mood in the morning... I'm like, ""Duh...did you not see me just leave my kids with you?"""