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Joke of the Day

"I accidentally swallowed a contact lens today... I've never seen my colon with such clarity before."

"Gary Johnson in an Interview.. Reporter: Knock Knock! Gary Johnson: Who's there? Reporter: What is Alep Gary Johnson: What is Alepwho? Reporter: a-are you serious?"

"Did you hear the pizza guy's joke? He has excellent delivery."

"I burnt my Hawaiian pizza today I guess I should've cooked it on aloha temperature"

"The joke's on you officer. That breathalyzer won't tell you how much cocaine I've snorted tonight."

"I was in a tailor. I said to the guy, ""I need something for a wedding."" ""What's that?"" he queried. ""A woman that really loves me."" I wept, leaving the shop."

"""...This one is TOO big. This one is JUST right."" -my daughter, picking out her preferred public toilet."

"What did the stamp say to the envelope? I'm stuck on you."

"What did you think of our website? A little bit tacky."

"Mother Teresa walks into a bar"