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Joke of the Day

"Created a Kickstarter for my movie. Hoping to raise enough for a popcorn and soda too."

"How do you wake up Lady Gaga? You poke her face. I'll see myself out."

"I always buy a woman a popsicle on the first date to get a feel for how things might go later."

"I used to be into sadism, necrophilia, and bestiality... ...but then I realized I was just beating a dead horse."

"""Dad, why are there no jews on jupiter?"" ""Because its a gas planet son"""

"Did you hear about the blind dog that never got lost? It really nose it's way around."

"It's a sad moment when you realize the trash goes out more often than you do."

"When I see lover's names on a tree, I don't think it's sweet... ... I think it's surprising how many people bring a knife on a date."

"I've been calling my husband ""babe"" for five years because I'm too embarrassed to tell him I forgot his name."

"If youre ever cold, stand in a corner. Most corners are 90 degrees."