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Joke of the Day

"The secret to sustaining a happy marriage is to keep the mystery alive. So tonight I decided to clean something unexpectedly."

"Clowns terrorizing the streets. A real life billionaire villain running for president. We need Batman now more than ever"

"7: what do you want for your birthday? Me: idk a new car 7: ok *walks away* [ 2 min later ] 7: what do you want that's under $6.42?"

"Two go through a tunnel, says the third to the fourth: "" I think we're five"". Says the sixth: ""I don't get it""."

"What did the rock say to the other rock? Im hard"

"I've finally worked out why Spain is so good at football. Nobody expects the Spanish in position."

"The church across the street opened a new Jesus-themed ferris wheel. Their accountant told me they needed it to turn a prophet."

"I used to date an anaesthetist... She was a local girl. [credit to seeing this on QI]"

"My humor is kind of like food... Not everyone gets it."

"If a woman asks if she looks fat, it's not enough to say ""no."" You must also act very surprised by the question. Jump backwards if necessary"