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Joke of the Day

"Mickey and Minnie Mouse go to divorce court The judge says to Mickey, ""Mickey! You say your wife is crazy."" Mickey replies, ""No I didn't, I said she was fucking Goofy!"""

"Tom hanks probably fucked that volleyball"

"[praying in church] Please God let church end early"

"Hear about that guy who was so desperate for accolades that he framed his parking citation?"

"What do we want?! A cure for Tourette's!! When do we want it?! Cunt!"

"Someone stole my mood ring and I don't know how I feel about that."

"[Favorite joke from Letterman] What goes into thirteen twice? Roman Polanski."

"Drugs have taken me to some really dark places in my life... Seriously, like really poorly lit crack houses"

"50 shades - only romantic because the guy is a billionaire. If he lived in a trailer, it would be another episode of criminal minds"

"They say don't drop the soap, they are right. You will slip on it and fall, I have first hand knowledge. Don't worry I'm fine, only a little drain bamage."