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Joke of the Day

"Drugs have taken me to some really dark places in my life... Seriously, like really poorly lit crack houses"

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"What did the grapes say to their parents after they put them into a nursing home? Thanks for raisin us"
"Why did the monkey trip over the branch? Because the Chimp-Can't -See"
"If you can take my girl, then you can have her. If I can take your girl, then you can have her too."
"Why do we call it politics? Because poly means many and ticks mean blood-sucking parasites."
"What's a Jedi's favorite brand of vodka? Skyy. Only Sith deal in Absolut."
"Why does the Mexican Olympic team always do so badly? Because anyone who can swim, run, or climb is already in America."
"What does Verizon wireless and abortion clinics have in common? They both have early termination fees"
"What's the best thing about oral sex? The 5 minutes of peace and quiet!"
"How many ""friend-zoned"" guys does it take to screw in a light bulb? None, they'll just compliment it and get pissed when it won't screw."
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