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Joke of the Day
"[Favorite joke from Letterman] What goes into thirteen twice? Roman Polanski."
Next Joke
"[Interview] Why do you want this job? Me: *opens briefcase* I don't. *pulls out Snickers* I just wanted to eat this without my kids around"
"Logged into FB told Gemma her wedding pics are beautiful. Logged into Twitter to tell you she looked like a fat man in drag and I hate her."
"Life is like a cup of coffe. Dark and bitter."
"Guess when toothpaste was invented? 1892. Guess when kissing was invented? A DISGUSTINGLY LONG TIME BEFORE THAT."
"First ""gay"" now ""glee."" Are you guys going to take every synonym for ""happy"" or leave us one or two Christmas carols kids don't giggle at?"
"What is a euphemism for gay wizard sex? Taking it in the Dumbledore."
"How do you make a cookie dance? Throw a little dough at it!"
"*brings donuts to work* Co-worker: I have a gluten allergy, so I have to watch what I eat. Me: Cool, then you can WATCH me eat this donut."
"Me: *Asks question on snapchat* Them: *Answers question on snapchat* Me: ""Wait, what did I ask again?"""