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Joke of the Day

"Just tried to massage a stressed worm but I did it too hard and now it's dead and arguably more stressed than before"

"Did you know Captain Kirk has three ears? Left ear, right ear... and final front ear."

"fred flinstone (my landlord): the rent is due me: say it fred: pls no me: i'm not paying fred: *sighs* the rent is yabba dabba due me: haha"

"The year is 3426, all of humanity is extinct. Supernatural is somehow still on every week with new episodes."

"I tried to rob a binoculars store today... But they saw me coming a mile away"

"Why did the orange juice fail his math exam? He wasn't concentrated."

"I ignore politics because politicians clearly ignore me."

"My toddler eats with her right hand but is ambidextrous when it comes to total destruction."

"The whole thing about ""we're all going to die some day,"" that's a joke, right?"

"So embarrassing -- I was scrolling thru an ex's old photos and accidentally liked one & then called her & told her I still love her & cried"