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Joke of the Day

"I've been reading the dictionary. Spoiler alert: ""zyzzyva""!!"

"I picked up a Jewish girl today, wanna know how? With a dustpan."

" You're born. You grow up. You believe in Santa. You stop believing in Santa. You look like Santa. You are Santa. You die."

"How does a German tie his shoes? In little Nazis"

"Did you hear about the blind guy who got in a car accident? He regained his sight in ICU."

"I messed up my foot pretty bad. The doctors said it would take a while to heel."

"""Artificial intelligence is a wonderful thing. I told my computer that today is my birthday and it said that I needed an upgrade."""

"The guys and I are heading into town. Gonna hit a few bars, a strip club, and then, MAYBE... ...the Museum."

"Did you hear Lorraina Babbitt died in LA? She was on the highway and some dick cut her off."

"If I died and went straight to hell it would take me at least a week to realize I wasn't at work anymore."