217668

Joke of the Day

"Did you hear about the blind guy who got in a car accident? He regained his sight in ICU."

"My aunt sent me a private message on fb, telling me that I shouldn't post things that some people might find offensive. After much soul searching I had to do the right thing, so I unfriended her"

"So we no longer say ""please"" and ""thanks"" in the office? Never got the memo. But I did get one saying it's ok to key impolite people's cars."

"Cop: Do you know why I pulled you over? Me: To propagate authoritarianism and generate revenue for the state? Cop: Besides that."

"Why did seedless grape cry? Unable to produce child."

"Four years ago, I asked the girl of my dreams out on a date. Today, I asked her to marry me. She said no both times."

"I learned that Honey Bees in the United States developed a form of electronics - they're called U.S. Bees."

"Which came first, the chicken or the egg? Neither. The rooster did."

"I like when a restaurant has cloth napkins, 'cause then I can unroll them with the calculated fervor of an assassin surveying his tools."

"The best part about having a homeless girlfriend is after our date I can drop her off wherever I want"