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Joke of the Day

"If you asked Jesus on the cross what he wanted the holiday marking his death to be called, ""Good Friday"" would not have leaped to his mind."

"Why did the bread machine go to see a therapist? It was too self-loafing."

"What did the donut say to the loaf of bread? If I had as much dough as you, I wouldn't be hanging around this hole!"

"I'm in hiding from exercise. It's called the fitness protection program."

"LOSER BOOTY CALL... APARTMENT Wow, you have your own apartment? Yeah, it's probably nicer than my room at the Y."

"Me: The new guy's a lumberjack? Boss: Yep Me: He seems nice... Boss: STOP Me: I'll bet he's good at... Boss: DONT Me: random axe of kindness"

"perfume should come with instructions like on medicine: Dab LIGHTLY on pulse points Do NOT marinade in event of overdose take shower"

"If you can make a woman laugh, you're almost there.......... If you're almost there & she laughs, now that's a different thing....."

"Best actor of all time in human history. Also Starring"

"My friends say I have a gambling addiction... I bet I don't."