110095

Joke of the Day

"I found a website with guaranteed real virgins [NSFW] [www.9gag.com](http://9gag.com)"

"Oh nothing, just standing next to my computer browsing the internet on my phone"

"You know, they're making the prospective Mars astronauts shave their whole bodies prior to departure. That way, when it's time for blastoff... they'll baldly go where no man has gone before."

"An Indian diabetic wasn't following his diet... You could say that he was naan-compliant."

"'What other miracles can you do?' Jesus: I can varnish 'You mean vanish?' J: *running finger over a beautiful oak table* aha, not quite"

"Order of the Phoenix is my favourite Harry Potter book Dead serious."

"We are friends until the waiter sets that plate of nachos down on the table, then we are mortal enemies"

"A cloud came over the emperor's face. He vehemently gave a thumbs down. The crowd roared as the next Pandora song began to play."

"What's the name of the best brewer in the world? Bock Goodale"

"Which three American Generals won the most during the cold war? General Motors, General Electric, and General Dynamics."