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Joke of the Day

"A cloud came over the emperor's face. He vehemently gave a thumbs down. The crowd roared as the next Pandora song began to play."

"This one time the Angels up in heaven decided to do a little striptease for the Gods. Poor Jesus!"

"What do you call a flat-breasted french woman? Petits"

"I'm starting to wonder if people just sneak into North Korea for a chance to hang out with an ex-president."

"I wish my wife was better in bed. <sighs> <disables autocorrect> I wish my WiFi was better in bed."

"I had sex in an elevator.. It was awesome on so many levels!"

"Two hamsters are walking down the street... They come up to a gay bar and one hamster turns to the other and says, ""hey, you wanna get shit faced?"""

"Are one-liners accepted? I immediately stopped telling people I was xenophobic when I realized it doesn't mean ""afraid of xenomorphs""."

"My favorite book to read on the toilet is ""The Shining."" It scares the shit outta me."

"""We're not buying another toy until Mommy gets laid!"" might not be the most appropriate thing to yell in ToysRUs."