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Joke of the Day

"What sea creature is regularly featured in The Walking Dead? CORAL"

"[First Date] Me: so can I see you again? Her: I had a nice time but I don't think so Me: *stops holding in stomach*"

"I wonder if Martha Washington ever got splinters from George's teeth."

"Made reservations. For the grinandbearit."

"""You're sure you understand stock trading?"" ME: Yep ""Then why (holds up card) did you trade our Google shares for a Charizard?"""

"My friend said he's moving Saturday... I would have offered to help, but where would we move it to- Sunday?"

"Why do Texans duel at high noon? They distrust clocks."

"What has 6 eyes but cant see? 3 blind mice."

"Hear about the baby with AIDS? It never gets old..."

"What do you call a prepubescent rapist? ... a smooth criminal."