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Joke of the Day

"[First Date] Me: so can I see you again? Her: I had a nice time but I don't think so Me: *stops holding in stomach*"

"What do you call a jewish pokemon trainer? Ash."

"Why didn't Chris Brown make any headphones? He definitely knows how to make a good beat. I will show myself out."

"I'm really good at stuff until people watch me do that stuff."

"A sexist, a racist and a homophobe walk into a bar Bartender: 'What will it be, Mr Trump?'"

"But laughing at you Roses are red. Your blood is too. You look like a monkey And belong in a zoo. Do not worry, I'll be there too. Not in the cage, But laughing at you."

"What do vegan zombies eat? GRAAAAAAAINS!"

"Construction sites are dangerous places. I nearly blacked out holding in my stomach as I walked past one."

"Wife: Can you check the dryer? Me: You put a check in the dryer? Don't you know money laundering is illegal?"

"It's not karma, you're just an idiot."