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Joke of the Day

"Hear about the baby with AIDS? It never gets old..."

"advice to my younger self: dont bang that old man on his helicopter he's not joe biden"

"When your parents held you as a baby for the first time, they secretly hoped you'd end up arguing with strangers on a celebrity's Instagram."

"That spray tan made me smell like burnt hair & cat pee with a coconut twist. If I could bottle this stench, I'd call it Jersey Whore Breeze."

"What does Bill say to Hillary after sex? Honey I'll be home in 20 minutes."

"Did you hear the one about the girl that went deep sea fishing with four guys? She came back with a red snapper."

"I've been watching the Netflix series about Escobar, but I keep falling asleep... I think I have Narco-lepsy."

"There was a kidnapping at school today... But don't worry, he woke up"

"""Oh I'll be your relationship status alright..."" -me sleeping outside this Taco Bell"

"Based on how I startle when toast pops up, I will never look cool walking away from an explosion."