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Joke of the Day

"""Can you believe I got something decent at a piece of shit store like Sears?"" - every Sears commercial"

"Why do Feminists lay down during sex? They can't *stand* seeing a man have a good time."

"What's an astrounaut's favorite key on keyboard? The space bar"

"Hey!! pssst! Guys who wear camo to bars: There is a reason you're not getting laid...it's because the women can't see you.."

"""Bill, I'm beginning to think my wife might be cheating on me..."" ""What makes you say that, Tim?"" ""Well, you're standing naked in my closet..."""

"Why did the bird join he air force? He wanted to be a parrot trooper!"

"Why doesn't Stephen Hawking need a wife? Because he has his own shoulder to cry on. Edit: all credit goes to /u/Earleebird who posted it in a comment in /r/oldschoolcool"

"God's last name isn't damn. Well technically it's ""Jean God Van Damn"""

"I need a bad ass dress for Friday night. Anybody know where I can find a Forever 41?"

"What did the pillow say when it fell off the bed Sheet"