109907

Joke of the Day

"""Can you believe I got something decent at a piece of shit store like Sears?"" - every Sears commercial"

"Why was the Planters employee fired? He was fucking nuts."

"Picking a Xmas gift for your wife is hard, so I've decided to deplete our bank account, fake my own death & move to Thailand She'll love it"

"Instead of going to Starbucks, I make my own coffee, yell my name out incorrectly, and then light a $5 bill on fire."

"What did the surfer say to David Carradine? Hang tight"

"When do cannibals cook you? On Fried-days."

"A nurse comes in and tells a doc... ...""there's a man in the waiting room that thinks he's invisible. What should I tell him?"" Doc says, ""Tell him I can't see him today."""

"Why did Jesus quit playing hockey? He kept getting nailed to the boards."

"My doctor told me that I should avoid salty things I'm gonna miss playing MOBAs"

"Why is leather armour the best for sneaking? Because it's literally made of hide. *Ba Dum Tsss"