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Joke of the Day

"Picking a Xmas gift for your wife is hard, so I've decided to deplete our bank account, fake my own death & move to Thailand She'll love it"

"My wife is a sex object Every time I ask for sex she objects."

"Asked an artist friend if he does nude portraits He charges by the pound"

"It's Autism Awareness Day Just letting you all know"

"How do you discipline a pet rock? You hit rock bottom"

"[therapy] HIM: Should we talk about the elephant in the room? ME: I don't like to talk about him ELEPHANT: Ok wow I'm like right here man"

"I was so poor as a kid, we only had Onepac Shakur."

"If my neighbors are gonna get angry every time I see them... why did I even buy the binoculars?"

"Osama bin Laden threatened Russia: If you get caught up in this war... I'll hide from you too!"

"When a child whines and cries, you give it back to the mama, so... *hands husband back to my mother-in-law*"