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Joke of the Day

"Why is leather armour the best for sneaking? Because it's literally made of hide. *Ba Dum Tsss"

"I want my tombstone to read: Don't feel too bad, he really liked sleeping"

"Your only chance of getting laid... is to crawl up a chicken's ass and wait."

"What's the difference between a drug dealer and a prostitute? A prostitute can wash her crack and sell it again"

"I can totally keep secrets! It's the people I tell them to that can't!"

"Jenner is a hero, and quite frankly saved some lives Had I not replaced the Jenner in my truck last week I wouldnt have been able to shift into neutral when my accelerator stuck today."

"Thank you to the brave tree who sacrificed its life so that I could have this giant receipt from CVS for purchasing a pack of Dentyne Ice."

"Drunk people are so self centred... ... they think the world revolves around them"

"It's polite to stand when a lady comes to the table. I take it a step further and leave the restaurant entirely."

"Will I have an open casket at my funeral? Remains to be seen."