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Joke of the Day

"Some bought Stevie Wonder a cheese grater for his birthday He said it was the most violent book he's ever read."

"'Pizza Hut, can I take your order?' Me: 'May I speak with the owl, please?' 'Who?' Me: 'Hahaha, that never gets old! Large pepperoni.'"

"There was a massive fight in the chip shop yesterday! A fish got battered."

"What floats on water and goes quick? A South African duck"

"I'm not totally useless, I can be used as a bad example."

"gonna give my zombie friend several different brains for his deathday. Took a while to get the shopping done. Finally got some presents of mind."

"My dishwasher died the other day.... Does anyone have an extra wife i can borrow/have?"

"Why did the baker have brown hands? Because he 'kneaded' a shit."

"Facebook needs a ""who cares?"" button."

"Her: You have a cigarette machine in your kitchen? Me: Well it would look ridiculous in the living room..."