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Joke of the Day

"Her: You have a cigarette machine in your kitchen? Me: Well it would look ridiculous in the living room..."

"A magician was walking down the street .... and he turned into a grocery store"

"[raises hand in math class] HOW DO PEOPLE WHO WORK AT THE SPAM CORPORATION KNOW WHEN THEY'RE GETTING UNSOLICITED EMAIL?"

"This chic on Facebook said she ran 17 miles yesterday. Where I live the police would have gave up after like, IDK, 6 miles maybe."

"How did the Mexicans get across the border? They went through Juan by Juan. ^Forgive ^me."

"I'm on the toilet, and I'm pretty sure I just reached enlightenment. Holy shit."

"I met a Wheelchair user yesterday. He's a stand up guy."

"A guy tries to save someone's life... He goes to donate blood, but he decided not to. The doctor told him it would be in vein."

"If u love someone and they don't love u back the first thing you need to do is make them a scrapbook with you both in little wedding outfits"

"I decided to burn some calories today.. ...So I lit a fat kid on fire"