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Joke of the Day
"Girl, are you the New Deal? Because I can feel my infrastructure expanding."
Next Joke
"Can clocks keep secrets? Time will tell."
"Thanks to whoever invented the mute button, because I can poop while on a conference call."
"What did the green grape say to the purple grape? Dude! Breathe!!"
"Penn & Teller just announced their new cologne for men who always lie to their wives... No Bullshit....or was it Just Teller?"
"A photon checks in at a hotel: ""Are you checking in any bags?"" asks the concierge. ""No"", says the photon, ""I'm travelling light."""
"What did a police officer write in the criminal report, when they found a homey from the bottom of a lake, wrapped in 200 kg's of metal chains? -Offender stole more than he could carry by swimming"
"I like my coffee like my women... Piping hot and all over my lap in the McDonald's drive thru (backs away very slowly, opens door without turning around, lurks out...)"
"I stopped to tie my shoe at the airport and someone reported me as an unattended bag."
"The last time we had a white Christmas, I made snow angels. I skidded on the ice and took out three pedestrians."