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Joke of the Day

"What did a police officer write in the criminal report, when they found a homey from the bottom of a lake, wrapped in 200 kg's of metal chains? -Offender stole more than he could carry by swimming"

"Someone should tell North Korea that if you want to nuke someone, you probably shouldn't give them a progress report every week."

"What's it called when an Asian man gives his best friend head? A bro job."

"What do you call a place that you put an arrested caucasian gang member in? A white blood cell."

"Hey people - learn to spell!!! I mean my co-workers. Twitter, you guys actually do pretty well, considering half of you are probably drunk."

"I used to think the brain was the most important organ. Then I thought, look what's telling me that."

"I was at an ATM and this old lady asked me... ...to help check her balance, so I pushed her over."

"Sunglasses allow an individual to stare at people without them knowing. It is Facebook in real life."

"I burnt my Hawaiian pizza last night... I should have put it on aloha setting."

"I hope I never go to jail because I haven't memorized a phone number since 2006."