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Joke of the Day

"Why did the local university invite a foreign chemist? Florine talent."

"What happens when Vladimir Putin stands up too fast? Head Russian..."

"My favorite people are the ones that like to pass judgement on others because they have obviously lead a perfect life"

"What do you get when ant's parents won't let him marry his girlfriend? Antelopes."

"I deliberately mispronounce 'quinoa' and then adjust the server's tip according to how condescending they are when they correct me."

"I guess I now know what the Pope is giving up for lent."

"Went to the gym and asked the trainer. Could you help me do splits? Trainer: Sure How flexible are you? Me: I can only do Thursday."

"A message from a girl Received a messages from a girl, ""come quickly to me, there's nobody home."" I went. Indeed, there was no one."

"Can you imagine if none of the midwives showed up for a birth? That would be a midwife crisis"

"What do LotR and Brokeback Mountain have in common? Someone's ring gets broken."