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Joke of the Day

"When people say ""You can fit a million earths in the sun!!!"" I'm like: Hey. Maybe we shouldnt put any earths in the sun. The sun is hot."

"I tried to put two apples together But then I got a pear"

"Hey baby, are you a parking ticket? because i'm not going to pay you"

"Today we put differences aside and wish peace and love to all mankind. Except for Verizon who I hate."

"""He's not sleeping with you cause you're fat and ugly, so lose some weight and do your make up like this."" - Women's magazines, summarized."

"What do you call an abominable snowman who's always late? A not-yeti."

"You think you know someone, then you find out they like porn with a plot."

"In Hell, someone is constantly vacuuming while you're trying to explain directions to an old man."

"What did the cheese maker say when his vat got dumped to the floor? That's no gouda"

"""No man is truly married until he understands every word his wife is NOT saying."""