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Joke of the Day

"""He's not sleeping with you cause you're fat and ugly, so lose some weight and do your make up like this."" - Women's magazines, summarized."

"Someone stole the coffin at my grandfather's funeral. I couldn't bereave it!"

"That whole Ray Rice elevator incident... took him to the lowest level."

"I'd like to thank (you know who) for the (you know what) I'll talk to you later (you know where) and if I don't (you know why)"

"Since lesbians eat so much pussy Should they be considered sexually snacktive?"

"You can't hear a pterodactyl pee... Because it's silent."

"I like my women like I like my cigars. Cuban, shipped in bulk and 7 years old."

"I've been doing this new program called 'Cooking with Nature: Chinese Edition' You'd think it would be tough, but it's just a wok in the park."

"My wife and I play this fun game at home where one of us says, ""Could you watch the kids for a minute?"" and runs."

"If I wrote an autobiography I bet it wouldn't sell Story of my life.."