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Joke of the Day

"Is it true that you can get an STD from public toilets? Only if you sit down before the last guy has gotten up."

"How do you titillate an ocelot? gay porn"

"When the ex asks to be friends... it's like your mum telling you that your dog is dead but you can keep it."

"My wife slapped me when I told her I'm buying her a puppy for Christmas. I thought she'd be excited to hear that she's getting a little husky..."

"If every day is a gift, I'd like a receipt for Monday. I want to exchange it for another Friday."

"Food service workers should be completely hairless at all times."

"A frittata is just an omelette that studied abroad for a year in college."

"What do you call an alligator in a vest? An IN-VEST-IGATOR!"

"""Oh I'll be your relationship status alright..."" -me sleeping outside this Taco Bell"

"Freddie Mercury: ""Hey Brian, what rhymes with scaramouche?"" Brian May: um... Fandango? Freddie: ""Perfect!"" *snorts another line of coke*"