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Joke of the Day

"If every day is a gift, I'd like a receipt for Monday. I want to exchange it for another Friday."

"Why couldn't the feminist change the light bulb? Feminists can't change anything."

"ME: I'm a creep. I'm a weirdo. What the hell am I doing here? I don't belong here. GUY: I love that song. ME: What song?"

"Why do mimes always lose arguments? They don't have a say in anything!"

"""Doctor, how's the patient?"" Doctor: He's critical. Patient: Dear prospective viewers, remaking 'Point Break' was a bad mistake. Utterly pointless."

"FUNNY SEX JOKES ;) Do you like dragons? Because i'll be dragon my balls all over your face"

"[a 2nd grade classroom 5 yrs from now] TEACHER: Khaleesi M, please leave Khaleesi S alone. Khaleesi T, I still need your permission slip"

"What do you call gay couple? TOGAYTHER"

"Is it ok to sleep with a second cousin? It must be, because the first one didn't seem to mind."

"Felt a sharp pain in my chest & thought ""oh shit, I'm having a heart attack,"" but it just turned out to be my wife stabbing me."