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Joke of the Day
"""You want to have your cake and eat it, too."" ""Yeah. It's MY cake."""
Next Joke
"I lied awake all last night waiting for the sun to come up... And then it dawned on me."
"Being on twitter has made my spelling, grammar and vocabulary so much gooder."
"Why was the electoral map feeling down? It wasn't, it was feeling blue."
"Im offended by physicists being all about black matter I think All Matter"
"Why isn't the Mexican olympic team any good? Anyone who can run jump or swim is already across the border."
"Be a deer and get shot in the woods for me?"
"Suicide Squad spoiler: Jared Leto's Joker is so twisted he puts big spoons in the drawer slots where the little spoons go."
"Husband - ""When I die, i'd like to die having sex."" Wife - ""At least we know it'll be quick"""
"The inventor if the anti-virus software has been charged with murder. They expect the trial to last 30 days"