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Joke of the Day

"I have made nothing but horrible decisions ever since I had my wisdom teeth taken out."

"Law enforcement's cracking down on texting while driving, but there's no law against standing up and playing saxophone through your sunroof."

"Monotony is my favorite bored game."

"Why do feminists dislike maths? There's an XY axis but no XX axis."

"I said to my girlfriend, ""Do you want to experiment with a role-play rape fantasy?"" She said, ""**NO!**"" I said, ""*That's the spirit!*"" Jimmy Carr"

"What do pirates have in common with photons? They both travel at c"

"Pokemon go should contact Hillary Clinton. I hear she has some servers"

"I saw a woman crying as she was buying tampons earlier. Must be going through a tough period in her life."

"If you get a text from me that ends in a stream of emojis, my mother has stolen my phone DO NOT ENGAGE"

"Ninety-eight percent of lawyers... give the other two percent a really bad name."