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Joke of the Day

"They should make realistic pregnancy test commercials. 2 best friends in a bathroom praying for a neg & celebrating w a shot & a happy dance"

"Every time ""Cops"" comes on I'm like ""PLEASE don't show my episode."""

"Just text my husband to tell him he left his phone behind & someone is calling him. And now someone's texting him."

"My Boss called me immature today so I gave him a wedgie and made fun of his ugly family."

"In a job interview ""Name?"" ""JJoon Sttutuartt"" ""Again please"" ""JJoon Sttutuartt"" ""Sir, are you a stutterer?"" ""No, my father stuttered, and the civil servant was an asshole"""

"Her: I just read this really funny thing on FB. Me: No you didn't."

"When a rapper gets beer, how much do they get? A Two Pack"

"I thinks it cool when X girlfriend becomes XL girldfriend."

"[school] Ok class, what was Abraham Lincoln most famous for doing? Billy? ""Abolishing slavery."" And... ""Slaying vampires."" Very good."

"Just heard about this teacher who had sex with her student. Another reason I won't send MY dog to obedience school"