10924

Joke of the Day

"What is a whale's favorite song? Shout."

"Your kid is running around the store screaming at the top of his lungs annoying everyone and I'm the asshole for tripping him??"

"I'm going to be a clown for Halloween. So I can finally get shot."

"What's the difference between a Catholic Priest... ... and an e-cigarette-puffing GI Joe Action Figure collector? Well, one is a toy-loving vapist..."

"What if we had an internet and nobody came?"

"Where do you go to weigh a pie? Somewhere over the rainbow weigh a pie. (sounds like way up high)"

"Ok, another Grandfather joke. (revised) Just joking they're both locked in my basement with their mouths gagged while I collect their social security checks."

"Yoda: Clouded, your future is. Anakin: Are you smoking pot again? Yoda: Six cheeseburgers, I want."

"I only do yoga so I can hold my arms up long enough to get my hair in a ponytail."

"What is the best tool for getting a handle on your gambling addiction? A vice grip."